The Front – I have no use for that Woody Allen guy. He’s just so neurotic. I can’t listen to him for more than three minutes, or I have to turn the TV off. I think he’s a communist in that one. Couldn’t stand it for more than three minutes, had to turn it off.
Manhattan – I don’t think that is a Woody Allen movie, it’s too old. It’s in black and white. It has that song from Fantasia in it.
Annie Hall – You know what he’s been accused of, don’t you? I’m not saying it’s true, I’m just saying I’d believe it—these Hollywood creative types are a weird, freakish bunch. I wouldn’t have trusted you around him, when you were little, that’s all I’m saying.
Midnight in Paris – Yeah, your mom really liked that one, for some reason. It’s probably because it’s all womanly and mushy. And women love Paris. I’ll tell you something, if you ever want to impress a lady, talk to her about Paris. Women go crazy over that city.
Stardust Memories – I think I fell asleep trying to watch that.
Blue Jasmine – I don’t think I’ve seen that one. Oh, wait, maybe I saw it on the plane on my trip to Seattle. That was the one where they go back in time to that French city in the twenties? No, this was the one with that wizard lady from that hobbit movie? Oh, then that one was garbage, couldn’t stand it. Everyone was so whiny and pathetic. And everyone was neurotic, too. Just so pathetic, everyone in his movies.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask – Yeah, that was one of the better ones. I don’t remember it too well, though. I think I saw it in the seventies. Some woman made me go see it.
Magic in the Moonlight – I don’t see what women see in that Colin Firth guy. It’s because he’s British. British men seem more sophisticated. It’s because of their accent. It sounds so sophisticated. He’s really a pretty ugly guy, actually, but women love his accent.
Zelig – Yeah, what was that one even about? So confusing, it was all over the place, really slow. Couldn’t watch it for more than three minutes. Wasn’t he Hitler at the end? I really have no use for that Woody Allen guy.
Whatever Works – Oh, is that the guy who did Seinfeld? He’s just as bad. Such a pathetic human being. Made a funny show, don’t get me wrong, but he’s just so pathetic. He’s funny on the show, too, when he plays George’s boss. But in real life, man, just have no use for that guy. He’s so neurotic and whiny.
Vicki Christina Barcelona – Yeah, your mother liked that one too.