“You should update your blog more,” I said to the piece of Swiss cheese on my desk. “You’re starting to get sloppy.”
“Leave me alone,” said the Swiss cheese. “Lemme get some sleep. Turn the lights off.” The cheese climbed under its little cheese blankets and scrunched up its little cheese eyes as if it were already asleep.
I shook my head. “What the hell cheese?”
“Bite me,” said the cheese. So I did. The cheese was aghast. It didn’t know what was happening. The cheese was too young to die. I kept eating. The cheese tasted good. When I was done eating the cheese, it could finally sleep.
“Well,” the cheese said, chilling in my stomach acids. “This was a weird thing to write about, but I guess if it helps–” Then the cheese opened a newspaper and started to read.